HELLO LUVZ.
did you miss me? I sure missed this. I actually decided to stop writing which now I look back on and wonder why I did. But I wanted to stop feeling like I had too for my family cause it made me feel like I was doing the same things over and over again which is NOT bad but writing about it wasn’t that fun.
I am really upset to leave but in the way that i’m not sure when im going to feel it, like I know I don’t want to leave for good, cause this life here has been amazing and something I would want to continue forever but I also have people that I love too much to actually stay, just nice to know at some point i’ll probably move back to Europe. For all the “hard times” here I’ve gained so much in personal growth and I am aware how that’s such a cliche thing to say but its actually so true. I was totally alone, didn’t know anyone, wasn’t in school so I could meet people that way. I was forced to socialize in a completely new way that wasn’t somewhat provided by a club or group. At times I felt like I was too desperate for a friendship I lost focus on myself ,then I took a step back and realized I just needed to focus on myself and my wants, my needs, my interests. My future became wider and not so narrow anymore. I have a lot of little dreams I want to accomplish and that’s what makes me so happy right now. I have lot to look forward to as I move back.
I am starting my last week here in Amsterdam. I have a lot of different emotions that all are so different that it makes me feel content. I went through all my memories last week while I was on holiday with the family and it was a whirlwind of emotion. I wrote an overview of each month, I had a journal I was planning on writing in from when I first moved here but never got around to it. So writing an over view mad sense to me. I was able to look at my Snapchat memories and my camera roll picture to help me remember little things that had happened, writing stupid details down and then remembering some after I already was done. I had to pinch myself because I truly lived a dream.
Ill miss dutch people a lot. I was able to understand a lot more of the language than I possibly thought I could, also able to speak baby dutch- even though Veerle still makes fun of my g, ch, sounds. Even though the language is very small, I’ve told myself I want to continue with it because its an accomplishment I was never able to attain in high school with a foreign language. Amsterdam will always have a piece of my heart.
xoxo m
the m word 